Gedney Hill v Stilton

[CAFC]

Anyone gonna do a match report. Or is someone still writing it.

[GAZZA]

I'm getting pestered left right and centre so i will continue my quest to be sports writer of the year when im on lunch in 40 mins. Martin Samuel beware, im after you.

[GAZZA]

When the much fancied Stilton United squad arrived at the glamorous location of Gedney Hill, everybody looked in fine form with banter flowing freely between players and supporters, confidence was high after a fine result the previous saturday and the anticipation was palpable for the PFA Challenge cup game that was fast approaching. However, a shockwave was sent through the dressing room when upon arrival the managers assistant announced he was not going to be fourth sub as he had been struck down with a bout of man flu that had developed overnight, Wimp of the week shout number 1.

The game kicked off on time which was a minor miracle in itself due to a number of trees being felled behind the goal where a couple of Stilton players were warming up the goalkeeper, this extreme course of action was brought about by the shooting from a certain Mr Swan which managed to place the ball higher in the trees than many thought humanly possible.
Only six seconds had passed before Alan Hardy positioned himself well to recieve a pass from Figo to slot Stilton into a more than welcome 1-0 lead. Panic insued in the Gedney Hill eleven and it was'nt long after 10 minutes when Stilton found themselves 4-0 to the good.
Gedney then finally got themselves in the game as a result of some hard work from the forwards which yielded a couple of fruitless corners.
More good play from Stilton enabled all six attacking players to get behind the now demoralised Gedney back line whenever they liked leading to many more chances and goals to inflate the goal count. The first half came to a conclusion with a free kick on the edge of the box, the position favoured the left foot of Gazza and when the keeper took up a less than text book position he blasted and unstoppable missile of a shot into the net via a small but welcome glance from the wall, (the claims from the sidelines that this in fact was the worst free kick ever taken were quickly dismissed by people who know what they are talking about, ME and ME). 10-0 Halftime.
The second half started in a similar fashion to the first, exept this time it was Gedney Hill scored early on, poor marking from a snoozing Stilton team allowed an easy conversion from a menacing corner kick. Stilton woke up and carried on the scoring with more excellent finishing from the Baines brothers and super Al. A triple substition on the hour mark brought a first competitive appearence of the season for pip, nuts and gonzo who all came on and did well in a game where there colleagues looked like they were losing interest. Mark Baines was being clattered into as usual but unlike Mark he started to stay down for quite a while after each blow, it was'nt long before every delay in proceedings brought about a slump to the floor and a whinge to the sidelines about a little injury, (i will not go into detail as the chances are it will become a city wide target) wimp shout number two.
The game was slowing down, and a good run from Pip was well picked out by Baines (not sure which one) and he guided the ball past Gedney's man of the match goalkeeper to complete Stilton's scoring. A long ball was then pumped up to the visitors end and failure to deal with this resulted in a fantastic volley being dispatched into the stanchion to make it 16-2. More wimp shouts followed with Pip exclaiming 'that fat b@#sterd just twisted my knee', and Ozzie whispering just loud enough 'oooh, i can feel a touch of cramp', some how bottom lip Baines got away with it and Ozzie was presented with the T-shirt, he enhanced his position in the pub as wimp after the game by ordering coke, he was duely presented with his double rum for commiting this feux pa which he dispatched with aplong.
A very good night was then enjoyed by the lads around Dodsey's where the keg was very well recieved and much appreciated. The night then turned from very good to effing awesome when the PDFL website was checked by my good self and Conehead, and the Real March result was discovered, a rather big laugh was then had outside. Fantastic stuff.

[Dodsey]

Excellent report again Gazza (Fat Rat) *1010* . However one mistake was spotted as many judges on the sideline who were stood directly behind that machine that is your left peg :grt1: could see if it hadn't took that slightest of touches it was off for a throw. You will be pleased to know assistant has seen off the sickening bout of flu he must have contracted off some form of rodent (cant think which) and will be back in training tomorrow (boots permitting)

[GAZZA]

You talk rubbish son. It was quite clearly heading for the goal (it hit the wall, that must have been a weird placing of the wall if it had gone for a throw), maybe straight at the keeper but the venom that it was struck with made sure of the end result.Hows your golf :lsr:

[stiltons.john.terry]

how the heck did my 2 headered efforts on goal not get a mention. you are a dirty :dog: ........ :beer: was flowing saturday and was on form no mention. you can kiss my :mnn: :dncr the night away

[GAZZA]

Because they were sh#te, you jumped before the ball was crossed, and ain't being funny dude, you are not exactly gonna float. :bst: